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You have created every moment you encounter, including this one...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

A couple of nights ago I had the biggest epiphany I've had in awhile. I've said for quite some time that we attract what we are, not what we want. I've also said that everything comes in and out of our lives to foster our growth. I watched this video from one of my my favorite websites, and all of a sudden my mind went deeper.

Imagine that in this very moment of you reading this, that you created this to foster your growth. That we are in fact creating an environment for growth in everything and everyone. And all of this is done without us even being aware of it. It just happens, automatically.

How beautiful is that? To evolve, to grow, to love, that is what we are designed to do. As my mind continued to fall, I saw how beautiful everything is. So often events occur in life that don't look how we had hoped for. But what happens if they are unfolding just as they should to create a foundation for us to heal, to grow, to love. 

I knew all these things separately but this was the first time they all tied together, like a puzzle finally put together. I laid there in bed in awe. I laughed and smiled in numbness. I felt like I had all the signs, all the love, all the security that I could ever need in that one moment.

Of course that was fleeting, as a couple of days have passed and I've settled back into my normality of life. But that moment is on the tip of my tongue, my heels on the edge of the cliff, ready...more than ever in my life. I can feel my wings dripping with anticipation of their first real flight.

To be continued=)

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!

Do you find yourself falling for others quickly? This is for you...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

Allow me to paint my twenties for you with three different perspectives.

1. Me: I met this guy. He's amazing. We had sex and I thought it was good but he started acting differently after. He stopped calling and being responsive. The more I tried to figure out what was happening the more he distanced himself to me. We don't talk anymore.

2. Boy: I met this girl. I was feeling her. We had sex. It was good but I'm not feeling her like that anymore. After sex she changed. She's blowing me up now, asking what happened. We barely know each other. 

3. Reality from my 34 year old self--------------------- ;)

Me: I created a reoccurring environment similar to my childhood because that is what felt safe and comfortable. I would attract emotionally unavailable boys because that is what I believed I deserved, that is all that I knew.  Subconsciously, I translated sex with love so I gave myself quickly in hopes of securing that love. When he started to distance himself I would chase him even more in desperate attempts to get him to see that I was worthy of his love. He would disappear and I would be left feeling abandoned and devastated, i.e. my childhood over and over.

Can love happen fast and be real? Yes, I believe it can but only when both partners are living as enlightened individuals who love and know themselves deeply. I think most of the examples of people falling for others so quickly, is because of something else not having anything to do with love. 

All relationships exist to foster our growth. Most of lover relationships exist to do only that. They are not meant to last a lifetime or even a month. Check out this video by Lisa Nichols where she explains further exactly what I am saying. 

When I look back on my twenties all I remember is sleeping with boys, overeating, and feeling lost. The reason why I illustrate the above is because as you can see it had nothing to do with what it looked like on the surface. It went much deeper.  When you fall for someone whom you barely know but makes you feel amazing, it is because that person is triggering something in you that still needs healing. Because someone makes you feel loved or connected does not mean that it is real. It does not mean that the other person loves himself or is healthy. All of that takes time to see and to be proved. Not in the sense that they have something to prove but in the sense of matching their actions with their words. One of the most intellectual men I have ever met was the most amazing man I have ever met. I loved his mind. I had never dated a man like him before. I always dated men that I had to teach. This man taught me. He made me think in ways that I had never experienced. He challenged me and I challenged him. I assumed someone who was this intellectually enlightened must have been equally enlightened with love. This was not the case at all. As time went on and he subconsciously got more vulnerable another side of him began to act out and continued to get worse with time. I realized he had many walls up that kept him from being able to embrace the love I gave him. Point being it takes time to know someone. Most of the time people don't even love themselves nor do they know themselves and it makes it that much more difficult to love others and to know others. 

Healthy relationships usually go slow. They go slow because when two people meet and they love themselves deeply there is no pull drawing them desperately to the other person. There are no voids being filled, there are no childhoods being relived, etc. It's two honest people getting to know each other to see if they are looking in the same direction together. 

If you are falling for people easily, it has nothing to do with that person. It has everything to do with the fact that he or she is triggering deep, subconscious issues that have not been dealt with. That is the pull. That is the anxiety. That is the draw.  This is happening so these issues can be brought to light so they can be resolved and you can be healed. There is comfort in that because once you realize it has nothing to do with the other person it hurts less. People tend to focus on the person, the memories, etc. In reality it could have been anyone else, just someone who triggered you and it would have been the same result.

So if this is you, know that the work is with you. The other person, the relationship, etc. is not what's important. What is important, is what in you is attracting this type of energy and what in you needs healing.

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!!!

My vent on lonliness...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

There's a quote that goes something like you can't be alone if you enjoy the company you are with.

So I'm sitting here alone, feeling very empty. And all I can keep thinking is that I must not enjoy the company of myself...

The only thing I could think of to do was write. I went on craigslist earlier, pof, searching for men, just to not be alone. I didn't reach out to anyone because I have grown enough to know that dating would be something used to divert myself from my internal to the external. So here I am writing. Thank you in advance for reading.

Why is it so hard to love ourselves? I read something today that said we were not here to create some miraculous version of ourselves, instead we're here to undo all the programming so that we're left with nothing but who we really are. That was a beautiful thought. That we are so amazing just by who we are. We're not amazing because of our accomplishments, our goals, material assets, the pain we've endured, etc. We're incredible just by being ourselves. We're meant to live in our truth and when we do, we are miraculous by our own nature.

So then why can't we just shift our thinking? I know why it's hard to love ourselves. Our brain is on auto drive to keep us in the past and protected in it's own eyes. I know we have to undo all of what we've learned. And even with that knowing it is still such a long journey to shift. But I guess it took years and years of programming, it's not going to dissipate overnight. 

I keep reminding myself that I'm exactly where I need to be. That it's the journey that matters, not the destination, and that I'm already there. Actually, I'm already here, exactly where I need to be. In my complete truth I know that my last really big shift that I've been fearful of is fully letting go of my attachments to people, particularly lovers. My attachment to food, my other big vice, is almost fully burned up. So I'm left with the emotionally unavailable boys that I continue to attract. Can you sense my sourness lol? Yes, I'm working on that as well.

But that's shifting as well. If it wasn't I would have contacted someone tonight. Instead I'm here with myself acknowledging parts of me that are screaming to be heard and let go. 

So I took a two day break from writing this. During that time I tapped, meditated, wrote in my gratitude list, and realized that my mother is going through a huge shift herself. And a few hours earlier I found out that one of the largest dance agencies reposted my recent work with one of their dancers. 

I was down a bit this week and I experienced the pain and I kept telling myself I will pick myself up, something will shift. That is one things I've learned. If you continue to pursue your growth, you will change. Your life will change for the better. It usually gets worse before it gets better, but if you stand firm you will reap the benefits. 

This blog was a bit all over the place. A tool for me to vent my grievances this week. I thank you for listening. But as you can see I didn't steer off my path and even if it did the benefits would have just been delayed. I'm happy to say I'm feeling better and I've let go of some things this week. =) 

I hope this lifted you, even if only to remind you that you're not alone in what you are going through. Life never gets easier, you get better. Cheers to getting better or more aptly put, cheers to learning to love yourself!!

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!


We already know how it's going to turn out...shitty, but at least it's a shit that we know.

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

When people come to me for advice on how to get rid of the pain they usually focus on the other person or external events. I can always tell when someone is in the "the red." That's what I define as complete and utter chaos. I would proceed to ask what is causing their pain and the seeker would talk for about 10 minutes straight about how the other person did this and that. "How could this other person do this to me," he would ask. In this moment the person opposite me, is not present. He is in his own world. He's not aware if I'm even paying attention or if I even understand him. Every sentence is about something external. 

It's extremely important that we always bring the focus back to us. It is never about the other person. Let me repeat that. It is NEVER about the other person. It is ALWAYS about ourselves. I don't care if she cheated, stole, or broke your heart. Your growth concerns you. Why were you attracted to this situation or this person when there were red flags. And yes there are always red flags. Whether or not we were present with open eyes to see them is another story or we chose to make them yellow and proceeded with caution. What is it about us that attracted this energy to us? What is it in us that needs to shift? Why do we run from love and from healthier relationships? And why does it seem like we keep going through the same experiences over and over?

Whatever you have in your life you have attracted. Everything is energy and whatever energy you are, you are attracting. You will keep experiencing the same in your life because that is what you are still. Until you shift and grow you will continue to endure the same events, the same people. We stay in this energy because we don't know any better, or we don't think we deserve better, most likely a combination of both. And even beneath that, it is due to a lack of self love. People think life is miserable because of whatever trauma they are experiencing but what is more miserable than that is not growing and living on repeat. 

When I look back on my entire 20's, every relationship was the same. I thought I was meeting the wrong men. No. I was attracting the same environment that I was familiar with since childhood and that was all I knew. 

What you grow up with, what you are surrounded with as a child that serves as a foundation for what you think is safe. Even if it is turmoil, it is all that you know. So as adults our subconscious does what it thinks is best and that is to keep us in familiar scenarios. After all we already know how everything will turn out...shitty. But at least it's a shit that we know. People will live their whole lives enduring this. They will say that they've led painful lives.

Let me tell you what real pain is. Real pain is not the circumstance. Real pain is not allowing yourself to feel the pain, to let it go, and to grow. That is real pain. Real pain is living day to day with the same bullshit. The same drama, the same unfilled dreams, the same hopelessness and never growing. Having lived a life having never loved yourself enough to know that you are the world, you deserve the world. In a matter of fact the world literally exists within you. That is real pain. Having to wake up and look in the mirror and live with the life that you've chosen to live only to blame it on everyone else having never realized who you really are. Now trust me when I say that most aren't in a space to really acknowledge that they are living a life like this. Though this is what is considered normal. 

The more difficult road is to embrace your pain, to let go, and to move forward.  Why do you think so few do it? Why do you think "the norm," is living a mediocre life? And in this very act of embracing all of you, not just parts of you that are "good," you are loving yourself. You are teaching yourself that emotions are temporary and they will not kill you. Yes, they might hurt like hell but they are not stronger than you and they do not define you. Embrace all of you. Love all of you. Understand all of you. Know all of you. That is loving yourself. And through that you will start to shift. You will start to see the magnificent power that you do have. You will start to see that what you have been taught, the so called, "reality," of this world actually isn't our reality at all. 

Once you allow yourself to embrace pain you will see that there is an abundance of love on the other side. It's because your soul wants you to love and accept all of you. Once you start loving parts of you that you have walked away from all of your life, it's almost as if your soul says thank you by giving you all of this love. It seems like it came from nowhere, like it didn't exist before. But guess what? All this love already exists inside of you. It is you.

You want to know how much you love yourself? Look at what and who surrounds you because that is what you allow and what you have attracted into your life. Look at how you treat your body? Are you in love with your job? Do you embrace the beauty in life? Does it even seem like beauty exists in your life? How lonely do you feel? Are you anxious? I could go on and on but you can see the picture I'm painting.

And I cannot stress enough...If you do not really believe that you deserve the world you will attract that. You can say you love yourself a million times and yes I recommend that because you are still rewiring your brain. But until your subconscious actually shifts, change will not occur. For me, I have not been able to control that. But I am working on that because nothing can tell me that I can't achieve what I am determined to. I've kept on a forward moving path and eventually my internal did shift. 

So what do you do? Keep moving forward, keep growing, keep searching, and keep your moments of stillness. I promise you, a shift will occur and when it does you will see, your external will follow. Self love is the answer and will always be the answer to everything and anything. With every action you are either loving yourself or you are not. And when you love yourself there is an overwhelming urge to share that love with others. You realize how beautiful life can be and you want others to feel that to. I'd also like to mention when you start realizing how powerful you are and what you are capable of. You want to share that with others as well. You want to lift them up to.

Why do you think I have this blog? It's one of the many things I do weekly to show myself love. And to lift all of you.

This will sum up all my words. When you see the love in yourself you will see it in all things. And notice I said ALL things. Just like our goal is to love ALL of ourselves.That is fucking #TRUTH.

Love yourself today. You deserve the world. You are the world. Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!!!

How to be positive in a healthy way...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

I remember during a therapy session I responded with my usual, "I'm going to be positive about this." My therapist looked across at me and I can only assume she couldn't keep her perspective to herself any longer. She told me that the one thing she disliked about the, "positive train," that everyone seemed to be on, was that people's automatic response to anything was to be positive. 

I understood mentally during the time what she was trying to explain to me but in time my being embraced it. As I grew more, I started to shift the way I looked at being positive. Now I understand that being positive is crucial but it is only one of the steps. 

The problem with automatically being positive is that you are shutting down anything perceived as negative. Your soul wants you to accept all parts of you not just the pretty. And that is why when you get past the pain, anger, etc. there is an overwhelming amount of love for yourself. It's almost as if it's your soul's way of saying thank you for acknowledging me, thank you, thank you.

So if something shitty happens. I encourage you to embrace the shittyness. Embrace your heartache, embrace your anger, embrace your uncomfortableness. If you don't, it's like you are shaming yourself, telling yourself you can't handle those parts of you. You're telling yourself that those parts of you are not good. When in reality we are complex energies capable of amazing things. Wouldn't it be beautiful if we could look at pain and anger and see the beauty in it? What if we could see the growth and lessons that those emotions create an environment for? Unfortunately, most of us learn at an early age to ignore these parts of us. We have a society that runs at the first bit of fear felt. We've been taught lies. We've been taught that feeling these emotions can make or break us. That could not be further from the truth.

Instead of running away, go towards that very thing that you are scared of and after you have processed those emotions, then be positive. Have faith that everything and everyone that is brought to you is brought to lift you. Embrace your fear. That is where your growth is.

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!!!

How to keep your heart open when it is inevitable it will be broken...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

I work hard to keep my heart open. Most of the time, especially in new relationships, I give my love first. I show my vulnerability and encourage theirs. I believe the best way to teach someone is to practice it yourself and to then demonstrate it and hopefully they will participate. But the biggest reason I do this is because as painful as it can be, I don't ever want to close my heart. I choose to live a life full of love. 

An open heart is full of both pain and love. I find myself giving love, making myself vulnerable and then the other person runs for a bit. I use to chase after them because abandonment was a trigger for me. Now I let go. That person needs to go on their own journey. If I chase, that person will never discover what he needs to grow in that moment. People need time to receive love, especially if they rarely have it in front of them.

Now don't get me wrong. I've ran too. I've ran from friends, lovers, and family. That is a direct reflection of how much love I am giving myself. So I get it. And that is one of the reasons I can empathize with those that do it when relating to me. But those moments of abandonment are crucial. That is my journey in those moments. That is where my growth will occur.

I have to remember to bring everything back to me. It's easy to get lost in someone or something else. When your love is not reciprocated it is brutal, especially if you are in touch with your feelings. It is crucial that you bring your thoughts back to yourself and away from anything external. 

For me I am finding that the most difficult part is separating being hurt from that person not choosing to reciprocate my love given vs. me feeling rejected, unworthy of their love and not good enough. Those are entirely different and yet I combine them to create a lethal injection and it is safe to say I have been a drug user for far too long.

Whenever we are focusing so much on pain and anything external, we have to bring it back to ourselves. We have to focus on ourselves and where we are emotionally, physically, and mentally. We need to give ourselves all the love and light in the universe. We need to take care of ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with energy that reminds us of our worth.

So tonight I took a bath, with olive oil, epsom salt, and lavender. I meditated. I lit my candles. And I remembered how worthy I am of love. I AM LOVE. I remembered how amazing I am. The stars and I are made of the same. I remembered how much love I want to give and receive in this space and time. And it is always, always, abundant. 

And I have the perfect ending for you...expect to receive what you deserve. Period.

Cheers to our worth, our love, and our light!

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!

Surrounding yourself with rich relationships...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

What and who we surround ourselves with is extremely important, though it's something we rarely think about. That is until we're lost in something or someone. By that time we're usually so consumed. I call this "red." I use this term when all you can see is what's right in front of your face and it seems to encompass all of you. Your world consists of this one thing or one person. It feels like you're someone else, unable to make a choice that you know is healthy for you. It is hard enough to focus on our own growth, let alone to do it with external energy that is pulling us down. It is imperative that we pay attention to what we expose ourselves to, as all energy either lifts us or drains us. 

I wish I could say that I can meet people and immediately know whether or not I want them in my circle but that is not the case. There are those who project themselves as enlightened. There is an immediate connection. But as you get to know more about this person you can see that they are more talk than action. I can only assume they have good intentions and they want to believe in what they say but they have so so much fear and so many walls up it makes it difficult to get close to them. This use to be attractive to me, especially in lovers. Now it pushes me away. Can someone say red flag?

Obviously it's a small line between walking away and staying. I can tell you that your heart knows what it wants. Your mind will confuse you and attempt to keep you in familiar situations because that is what it thinks is safe. So when in doubt, search deep. I assure you the answer is there and you already know. If you are even questioning a relationship that means it is time to search within.

Rich relationships don't just happen. They take work. They take vulnerability and that shit is scary. You're basically giving free reign to someone to break your heart. And they will. It's inevitable. But if it's a rich relationship they will do what they have to, to make amends. It's on you what you are willing to allow. 

Vulnerability has to be learned. You have to allow your heart to be broken and you have to get back up again. Open your heart only to be broken again...over and over. As sad as this sounds I have reached a level of enlightenment where I can see how much beauty exists in this cycle. One can only love as much as they are vulnerable. And in that, is your growth. It's the same as setbacks in life. They hurt like hell, you fall but you get back up. That is where the gold is. Can you move through the pain but come back stronger, better, and more loved?

Have you ever spent time with someone and walked away feeling like there was no connection? I use to be o.k. with spending time with people talking about shit that did not matter. Talking just to talk, just to kill time, just to give my energy externally instead of internally. It reminds me of the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." The sad thing is if you haven't experienced what I am talking about then you don't know it exists. Once you know the difference between a conversation that stimulates your growth, if you are in a self loving space, you will continue to seek relationships that  give you this same feeling. It's a high that I can't really explain. Only that we're all drawn to this place. 

So how do you make your relationships rich? Be present. This is your time with someone  whom you respect, admire, and love. Give them your undivided attention. Encourage their vulnerability and reciprocate with yours. I'm not vulnerable if I'm talking about bullshit. I am vulnerable if I'm sharing with you parts of me that at moments in time I was even ashamed of. That's how you grow, individually and together. Ironic, isn't it? There is so much love in pain. And vice versa.

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe.

How to embrace Father's Day...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

I normally write a new blog every Monday but since today is Father's day I figured I would write a day early. After recently going on a date with someone new and hearing the all too familiar placement of words, "I barely know my father, " I decided it was imperative that I share my light today. There are different words that I want to share depending on your situation. So here we go.

For those of you who have a non-existent relationship.

This means you know of your father but don't know him and vice versa. This means he knows of you and he chooses not to love you. Or he chooses not to love you the way a father should love his child. This means there must be something wrong with you. This means you are not worthy of love.

I know that shit hurts. I know. Take a moment to take in what that feels like. Once you can allow yourself to feel these feelings instead of pushing them away then you can start releasing that energy instead of keeping it running in your veins in the background only to come out screaming at an unexpected time. So lets try that again. Re-read the painful words above. Take a deep breath and listen to me. 

That is one way you can look at it. But as we know life is perspective. So here's another way to look at it. When I'm loving myself fully, and my external life is going great, I feel like I have so much love to give. I'm very aware of my surroundings. I'm able to immediately pickup if someone is down or needs help before they even acknowledge it themselves or ask for help. I'm able to listen to them and give them my energy so that I can lift them.  And even though I feel a little depleted I am able to walk away still feeling lifted because of the space that I am in . I'm able to receive the love that others give to me fully because I know I deserve it. I embrace it. And I reciprocate it fully.

Now when I'm feeling low the outcome is completely different. If I sense people needing help I turn the other way. How can I lift someone else when I am feeling so low myself. I know that if I were to give anymore of myself when I have so little to give I will feel like I'm left with nothing. Shit, I just want to sleep in my bed all day and turn the world off. Or better yet turn the pain off. When people try to lift me up I run from them too. I don't feel I deserve to be helped or that I am deserving of love. If I was, why do I feel so fucking shitty anyways? I'd rather keep myself in what my mind tells me is "safe." This means I isolate myself from the world. It also means that with no external energy my mind can construct its own wild world.

So your father chooses not to love you because you are undeserving, because you are not good enough. How about your father chooses not to love you because he doesn't know how to love himself. If he doesn't know how to love himself then how can he love you? Can he magically wake up and know how to? I bet most of you have never had a conversation with your father where you told him what you needed him to do so that you could feel you were getting the love you needed from him. That's honest communication. Why haven't you done it? Because you don't know how to. Because you are scared shitless of his response. Because you haven't learned how to love yourself yet. There are a lot of answers to this question and the same answers can be applied to why your father hasn't loved you the way you need him too. Once you can understand this and really believe it, healing can begin. If you can understand that your father's love or lack thereof has nothing to do with you it takes the weight off of you feeling less than or undeserving. You are deserving of love. You are deserving of the world. But your father has not learned to love himself enough so that he can love you the way you needed him to. That is the truth.

Since you are in a space where you are starting to explore this then maybe in time WHEN YOU ARE READY you can have that conversation with him. Your relationships cannot change until you change. And if you never deal with it you will always feel this sense of unworthiness. You are worthy. You are deserving and are very capable of dealing with this. I hope that if and when you do address it with him he is in a space to be able to embrace your love. But if he is not or if he needs time then remember, it is not a reflection of you or how he feels about you.

For those of you who have lost your father.

Please read my previous blog on how our souls are always connected. I know it's shit to not be able to see someone, to not be able to hug them, or laugh with them, or even see their smile again. To wish you had one more moment to tell them how much you love them and to say your good bye. Again, let that feeling sink in. Embrace it. Only then can you start releasing some of that energy. So take a moment and reminisce, cry, laugh. Now take a deep breath. P.S. this shit only works when you actually do it. So please take a moment to reminisce and remember your loved one who is  no longer here with you. 

Please remember that we are not humans here on earth. We are spirits in human bodies. Which means we are all connected all of the time in every space. Your loved one is still with you, in spirit.  I remember hearing Lorraine Toussaint speak. She is one of those lights you hear and you want to write everything down because she is so utterly poetic and prolific. She discussed her mother many times. Someone in the audience asker her if her mother was still alive. She said no but that ironically enough she was more close to her mother now than she could have ever been in this physical world. I will always remember that and it gives me great comfort. I hope it can lift you too. Remember everything and everyone comes in and out of our lives to foster our growth. Think about that and discover again what that person taught you and how they changed your world. It's so beautiful how one person can affect everything. They weren't taken from you. Their journey was full circle for them and they have moved on to their next journey.  Celebrate their journey. Celebrate their life.

Wherever you are at in your life focus on loving yourself. Focus on giving yourself the love that you needed as a child and never got. That is the beginning of all of this. And once you can get that moving then you can start to deal with your childhood. The more you love yourself the more you will put attention towards bettering yourself because you know you deserve it. The more willing you will be to have that scary conversation with your father because you will know that regardless of his response he will not make or break you. The more willing you will be to face that loss of a loved one because you'll know that love does not just occur in the physical. That as a matter of fact love truly exists in the spirit and there is nothing that can take that away. It is not of this world that we live in. It's of something bigger.

There are many ways to start loving yourself more. I recommend therapy. When you go to your first appt. you should feel a connection. It's like apartment hunting. You will know in the first few moments, definitely in the first session. If you don't feel anything see someone else until you do feel something. There are affirmations. There are a million self help books. There is meditation and tapping. There is so much help around us but we need to take the first step. I firmly believe the only reason we don't seek out growth is because we aren't loving ourselves. It is something we need to learn but please know that it can be taught. I know because I have lived it. Life never gets easier but as you continue to love yourself more and more you will be able to embrace both the pain and love in this world. Because you know that without both of them you wouldn't be able to experience all the beauty that exists in every moment. 

I'd like to take a moment to thank my father. We had a non-existent relationship when I was younger. He was there off and on but we didn't know each other. And because of three years of therapy I was able to see what a healthy relationship looked like and felt like. The relationship I experienced with my therapist taught me how a healthy relationship could exist. I then mirrored my other relationships. As I taught myself how to love myself, how to give and receive love, I began to teach my father. He has made a 360. And I am so utterly thankful. That is how I know the power of love because I have experienced it in myself and I've seen it change others. So please please please, if you get anything from reading my words, I hope it is the belief that real love does exist and it is as powerful as they say it is. It begins with you.

I salute you for reading this. And I support and encourage your growth. You took a step today. Celebrate that because you deserve it. You deserve the world. If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me here.

And cheers to all the fathers out there. To the fathers who have loved us the way that we needed and to the fathers who loved us the best that they knew how to. They have BOTH taught us how to love ourselves. And lets not forget our mothers=) They are deserving of our love too! 

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe.

Trying to embrace something that scares the shit out of you...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

For the past few months, the universe has been sending me the same message over and over and I am finally ready to give in and follow the path given to me.

Now don't get me wrong. I create my own future. But you have to remember that the universe is a reflection of me. My external is a mirror of my internal. So when I say the universe I really mean myself.  The message that I have been trying to give to myself is that, horns please,  I need to be alone.

I have been diligently trying to let go of my vices over the last few months, food, sex, and boys. And it has been so fucking difficult. I assume if I had tried to detach from one thing it would be easier but to do it with my three main ones has left me like a lost child. Did I mention alcohol is out of the equation as well. When you detach from your unhealthy attachments, you are all that remains. You are left alone to deal with your own shit. Just typing that makes me want to grab some chips, organic of course, but I'm not going to. I'm choosing to let go of that thought and stay right here with myself and with you.

It feels weird to type about how difficult this is to do, to let go. Because a part of me is thinking that I'm making my perception of how difficult this is become my reality. If I think it, so it will be. Rewiring is definitely a huge part of the process of letting go. I write affirmations, I journal, I read books, and watch films all on topics such as this. I create an environment around me to encourage my growth. But then I have these moments. Moments where I do or don't even fully recall feeling anything, but next thing I know I'm on craigslist looking at sex ads.  That trigger happens so fast because it's been occurring my whole life. The moment something painful in my past gets triggered, there I go on auto drive doing anything to stop whatever emotion I've taught myself that I cannot handle. 

I wish I had an answer for all of this, for all of you, for myself. But I don't. I do know that this is a journey and apparently it's my time to travel down this road. I can say this and it is quite hopeful and lifting. When we are able to walk away from these things that keep us busy from facing our truth. When we are able to teach ourselves that emotions are what make life so beautiful and that none of them will make or break us. When we learn that pain feels horrible but on the other side of that is an overwhelming amount of self love. When we are able to look in the mirror and know that we are fully loved unconditionally and supported by ourselves and nothing external can ever change that. On that day everything will change. On that day we will know how truly powerful we are.

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!

Once your souls connect they will always be connected in every space and time.

Michelle Dorothea Tucker1 Comment

I spent this past Saturday supporting my friends from my old acting classes. Over ten years old to be exact. They were amazing on stage and behind the scenes. It was so wonderful to have the opportunity to share such vulnerable moments with them. After the show we went to a friend's home for a much deserved celebration. 

Most of us have kept in touch over the years. But it is always so miraculous to me how when I do see them, after having not seen them in years, how easily it is to connect with them. It happens in an instant. And it is like speaking with a best friend. We catch up with new stories and reminisce on our many memories. We laugh, smile and tell each other how shitty things are as well, the ups and downs of life. And all the while, we know as we speak, as we listen, we are fully supported by those on the other end. There is trust. A trust that was created long, long ago that has only strengthened through time.

We all have those people in our lives where the relationship is as if it's a novel. You can read a bit here and there and when you stop you place your bookmark to remember where you left off. And when you start again everything comes flooding back. The joy and the heartbreak of the story. And it's like you never left. I am fortunate to have many people in my life who lift me in this way.

I would also like to mention that we are all, always connected in every space and in every time. When I was younger I learned that when someone left I was being abandoned. I have learned now that if someone leaves, even if it is permanent, emotionally, mentally, or physically, I will always be connected to that spirit and nothing or no one can ever change that. It is utter beauty. That is how strong love is and it is always right in front of you, always inside of you, always. Just one of the many astonishing realities of love.

So do me a favor. Call someone today, someone who you miss and go see them. I know you are busy, or down, or trying to get your life together, but at the end of this lifetime do you think any of that is going to matter? What you will remember is when you felt the most connected to your loved ones. What you will remember is the love. It's always more love!!!

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!!!!!!!

Beautiful how the universe continuously tries to guide you back on the path meant for you...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

This is my first blog entry ever. I'm excited and fearful at the same time. But my love for myself is driving me forward. Cheers to being vulnerable! And thank you so much for being in this space and time with me. I am truly honored and thankful!

I've noticed in the past three years, pretty heavily, that I keep getting directed down a path that I know leads to my biggest dreams. I was fired a few mos. ago. It was my first time and boy did that shit sting. Rejection always hurts. At our core we want to be loved and accepted. Within moments I was in tears but by the time I had reached my car I was overwhelmed by faith. A voice inside of me said, "we know why this is happening." And I did. It was happening to align  my life with what my heart wanted. I had been a waitress for several years. Yes, I was passionate about people. I was passionate about creating a wonderful experience for a stranger. But was serving something I wanted to do for the rest of my life? No it was not. My heart wasn't in it. And here I was holding onto something that no longer served me. This reminds me of the amazing Bruce Lee. He said, "...water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend." Water continues to flow no matter what it comes into contact with. It becomes that shape or goes around it. We are not meant to be stagnant and when we stay in one place or hold onto something that we should let go of, we are hurting ourselves. Sometimes in our lives we choose things, people, etc. only to keep our minds occupied and looking the other way when it comes to our truth. And my truth was that I was struggling very much so with learning how to love myself.

When I say the universe will always try to get you back on the path you are meant to be on that path is and always will be the path of self love. It's true when they say that once you change your internal your external will change. The only way out is in. Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. I could go on but I think you get the point.

So here I am. After so many signs that I chose to ignore or maybe follow for a brief time. My life abruptly changed and an environment was created, rich with self discovery. I'm trying my hardest to love myself more. I know how I want to live my life. And I'm doing my best by focusing on the tasks that I have to do to live how I want. And then I'm making sure to celebrate that I accomplished those tasks. Why? Because I deserve the fucking world! And I hope you believe you do too!

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe.