When I think of people always saying yes to others, I always picture a woman, more specifically a mother. Sometimes, I picture my mom. I grew up with my mom doing everything for me. She would do my laundry, clean, and cook for me. At the time it was great but it wasn't until therapy that I could see that not only was it manipulative and controlling but that it would negatively impact me as an adult.
For example, when I wanted to move out at 27, she came up with the idea that she would move out and I would stay there. This was amazing in my eyes. I didn't have to move my things, I was still getting my space, and I was getting a reduced rent. In my mom's eyes she was getting what she wanted as well. She was protecting me from the dangers of the outside world and she wasn't losing me.
People will do a lot of things to prevent themselves from dealing with their own shit, aka self sabotage. They'll get into relationships or marry, have kids, stay busy with work and/or others, take drugs, have sex, and/or take on obsessions in the forms of people or things. Among these are when people find themselves doing more for others, than they are for themselves.
Now, don't get me wrong. It is absolutely beautiful to give to others. The key is to love yourself so much that all of that love flows through you and onto/into everyone and everything that you do. But if you begin to find yourself doing more for others than you do for yourself, or if you feel you are doing more for one person and there's no reciprocation then you are doing more harm than good. Not only are you stripping yourself but you are enabling their behavior as well. Plus, you are preventing yourself from focusing much needed love and attention for your life, your issues, and for all the healing that you need.
Saying no is not easy. Some feel it's their responsibility, or they feel guilt. All that is, is a conditioned way of thinking and that can be unlearned. For this you need to rewireyour subconscious. You can do this by listening to affirmations in the background constantly, writing your new beliefs down and posting them where you will see them daily.
Let me leave you with this note. When I am loving myself fully I can give to people who have destroyed others, who have hurt me even. But when I am not loving myself, I can't even give to the people I love the most, the people that make it easy to love them. Giving should make you feel good and if it doesn't it's time to start questioning how much are you giving to yourself.
Sending all of you love, light, and healing energy!
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