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Thoughts on spirituality, suicide, and knowing your truth...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

First of all it's been a long ass time since I've written. That doesn't mean that my energy is not with you or that your energy is not with me. It just means that I miss you and I'm so happy to be with you again!

I've been wanting to write this piece for some time but wasn't ready to really sit with it and let it wash over me. But now I'm ready, so here it is.

Through my journey of loving myself, I've come to realize that there is so much darkness that exists in us all. And as you begin to embrace those parts of you that you've run from all your life, you will start to feel like...I don't think there are any words for it. You can feel it emotionally, spiritually, physically, this unbearable something that makes you feel not right. People who run and always live in chaos feel pain. But they do not feel their darkness. Darkness is something else. It is a place that I think some people feel as though they cannot return from.

There was a beautiful light named Faith Parks. I never met her in person, only through FB. I instantly felt connected to her. I requested her, she accepted, and we shared a few emails. There was no sense of her pushing away my love. She seemed open. Her heart seemed wide open. Shortly after that, I didn't see much of her on my feed and I figured it was FB picking and choosing what I saw so I didn't think much of it. A few weeks later it showed up that she had transitioned and taken her life.

Another beautiful soul who I met on FB a couple years ago, has recently transitioned as well. It has not come out yet but my soul tells me that he took his life as well.

The irony in all of this and what was so painful at the time is that both of these spirits were so loving, so giving, so spiritual, and both intelligent. Now, yes I did not know them very well but they both seemed well aware of the light and darkness that we all have. Many of their loved ones seemed shocked as well. So how is it then that someone who seems very much so "enlightened" take their life?

I don't have an answer and this continues to perplex me. I see many who lift others, yet have difficulty lifting themselves, myself included. The journey of self love is such a complex one, yet so simple if we just let it be. There are so many ironies in life. Everything we run from is exactly what we should be running towards and yet we know this and we continue to run from ourselves, over, and over again.

What I really want to express is that when you do this work, it's easy to get lost in it. And you have to know yourself well enough to seek light when you start to feel like you can't. The love you need is out there, even if you don't have it near you, you can find it online, in group meetings, in books, on youtube, therapy, etc. You are not alone and you can get through this. It's weird because you need to get lost in it but you also need to know when you need to get help.

The truth is that love is the most amazing, most powerful, most beautiful anything in this universe, and you are that. There is so much work to do on this planet, so much love to give, to teach, to lift, so many miracles yet to occur, so many inventions yet to be invented. Love is all around you, it surrounds you, it is you. So keep pushing through.

This is dedicated to all the beautiful lightworkers in this lifetime and the next, especially the aforementioned. Thank you for having such a profound meaning in my life. Next time we are meeting in person;) I love you!

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