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Do you find yourself falling for others quickly? This is for you...

Michelle Dorothea TuckerComment

Allow me to paint my twenties for you with three different perspectives.

1. Me: I met this guy. He's amazing. We had sex and I thought it was good but he started acting differently after. He stopped calling and being responsive. The more I tried to figure out what was happening the more he distanced himself to me. We don't talk anymore.

2. Boy: I met this girl. I was feeling her. We had sex. It was good but I'm not feeling her like that anymore. After sex she changed. She's blowing me up now, asking what happened. We barely know each other. 

3. Reality from my 34 year old self--------------------- ;)

Me: I created a reoccurring environment similar to my childhood because that is what felt safe and comfortable. I would attract emotionally unavailable boys because that is what I believed I deserved, that is all that I knew.  Subconsciously, I translated sex with love so I gave myself quickly in hopes of securing that love. When he started to distance himself I would chase him even more in desperate attempts to get him to see that I was worthy of his love. He would disappear and I would be left feeling abandoned and devastated, i.e. my childhood over and over.

Can love happen fast and be real? Yes, I believe it can but only when both partners are living as enlightened individuals who love and know themselves deeply. I think most of the examples of people falling for others so quickly, is because of something else not having anything to do with love. 

All relationships exist to foster our growth. Most of lover relationships exist to do only that. They are not meant to last a lifetime or even a month. Check out this video by Lisa Nichols where she explains further exactly what I am saying. 

When I look back on my twenties all I remember is sleeping with boys, overeating, and feeling lost. The reason why I illustrate the above is because as you can see it had nothing to do with what it looked like on the surface. It went much deeper.  When you fall for someone whom you barely know but makes you feel amazing, it is because that person is triggering something in you that still needs healing. Because someone makes you feel loved or connected does not mean that it is real. It does not mean that the other person loves himself or is healthy. All of that takes time to see and to be proved. Not in the sense that they have something to prove but in the sense of matching their actions with their words. One of the most intellectual men I have ever met was the most amazing man I have ever met. I loved his mind. I had never dated a man like him before. I always dated men that I had to teach. This man taught me. He made me think in ways that I had never experienced. He challenged me and I challenged him. I assumed someone who was this intellectually enlightened must have been equally enlightened with love. This was not the case at all. As time went on and he subconsciously got more vulnerable another side of him began to act out and continued to get worse with time. I realized he had many walls up that kept him from being able to embrace the love I gave him. Point being it takes time to know someone. Most of the time people don't even love themselves nor do they know themselves and it makes it that much more difficult to love others and to know others. 

Healthy relationships usually go slow. They go slow because when two people meet and they love themselves deeply there is no pull drawing them desperately to the other person. There are no voids being filled, there are no childhoods being relived, etc. It's two honest people getting to know each other to see if they are looking in the same direction together. 

If you are falling for people easily, it has nothing to do with that person. It has everything to do with the fact that he or she is triggering deep, subconscious issues that have not been dealt with. That is the pull. That is the anxiety. That is the draw.  This is happening so these issues can be brought to light so they can be resolved and you can be healed. There is comfort in that because once you realize it has nothing to do with the other person it hurts less. People tend to focus on the person, the memories, etc. In reality it could have been anyone else, just someone who triggered you and it would have been the same result.

So if this is you, know that the work is with you. The other person, the relationship, etc. is not what's important. What is important, is what in you is attracting this type of energy and what in you needs healing.

Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe!!!