What and who we surround ourselves with is extremely important, though it's something we rarely think about. That is until we're lost in something or someone. By that time we're usually so consumed. I call this "red." I use this term when all you can see is what's right in front of your face and it seems to encompass all of you. Your world consists of this one thing or one person. It feels like you're someone else, unable to make a choice that you know is healthy for you. It is hard enough to focus on our own growth, let alone to do it with external energy that is pulling us down. It is imperative that we pay attention to what we expose ourselves to, as all energy either lifts us or drains us.
I wish I could say that I can meet people and immediately know whether or not I want them in my circle but that is not the case. There are those who project themselves as enlightened. There is an immediate connection. But as you get to know more about this person you can see that they are more talk than action. I can only assume they have good intentions and they want to believe in what they say but they have so so much fear and so many walls up it makes it difficult to get close to them. This use to be attractive to me, especially in lovers. Now it pushes me away. Can someone say red flag?
Obviously it's a small line between walking away and staying. I can tell you that your heart knows what it wants. Your mind will confuse you and attempt to keep you in familiar situations because that is what it thinks is safe. So when in doubt, search deep. I assure you the answer is there and you already know. If you are even questioning a relationship that means it is time to search within.
Rich relationships don't just happen. They take work. They take vulnerability and that shit is scary. You're basically giving free reign to someone to break your heart. And they will. It's inevitable. But if it's a rich relationship they will do what they have to, to make amends. It's on you what you are willing to allow.
Vulnerability has to be learned. You have to allow your heart to be broken and you have to get back up again. Open your heart only to be broken again...over and over. As sad as this sounds I have reached a level of enlightenment where I can see how much beauty exists in this cycle. One can only love as much as they are vulnerable. And in that, is your growth. It's the same as setbacks in life. They hurt like hell, you fall but you get back up. That is where the gold is. Can you move through the pain but come back stronger, better, and more loved?
Have you ever spent time with someone and walked away feeling like there was no connection? I use to be o.k. with spending time with people talking about shit that did not matter. Talking just to talk, just to kill time, just to give my energy externally instead of internally. It reminds me of the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." The sad thing is if you haven't experienced what I am talking about then you don't know it exists. Once you know the difference between a conversation that stimulates your growth, if you are in a self loving space, you will continue to seek relationships that give you this same feeling. It's a high that I can't really explain. Only that we're all drawn to this place.
So how do you make your relationships rich? Be present. This is your time with someone whom you respect, admire, and love. Give them your undivided attention. Encourage their vulnerability and reciprocate with yours. I'm not vulnerable if I'm talking about bullshit. I am vulnerable if I'm sharing with you parts of me that at moments in time I was even ashamed of. That's how you grow, individually and together. Ironic, isn't it? There is so much love in pain. And vice versa.
Sending you all, all the love and light in the universe.